Saviors and saints, devils and heathens alike

In which our heroine rants about her food issues. (this was sparked by a 3 second comment last night which didn't even truly phase me, but I guess SOMEWHERE in my self conscious it must have cause I woke up after a 4 hour "nap" having had a HORRIBLE dream where someone made me eat a jabeñero and I slid into a coma and died.)

Have I ever forced a person with a food allergy to eat that which made them sick?

No.

Why?

Because I have one.

So why is it, when I say I cannot eat spicy foods that people try to say to me "build a tolerance" or "get used to it" or simply SNEAK IT INTO MY FOOD.

I am sensitive to certain tastes. Apparently, thanks to a strip of flavored paper, I am close to being a super taster. Which means I may actually taste more flavors in my foods than you. (The "you" being the hypothetical)

Lucky me. Yes?

Not always.

Sure I can taste the amazingly different flavors in lettuce and water and bread and other mild things that others look at me like I am nuts for saying I can taste.

But. Somethings.

Like, mustard (regular old yellow mustard that people seem to adore) tastes like fiery slime. Sound delicious? Yeah. Mmm... fiery slime.

My favorite example?

I asked for NO MUSTARD when we ate at That Cuban Place once when I ordered a Cuban sandwich, and the "I know better than you" mother who works there put it on anyways. Cause it CLEARLY tastes better with it on. "You will hardly know it's there!" she said. Then why fucking put it on my sandwich? I AM A PAYING FUCKING CUSTOMER! Oh wait. Not anymore. I don't eat there anymore. Andrew did bring me back fried plantains from there not too long ago and they weren't that great. She asked smugly at the end of the meal, thinking she's snuck one by me, if I liked my sandwich and I said "Well, it wasn't bad. If it hadn't been ruined by the mustard it would have been good." Andrew pointed out to me that there was a huge glob of it on there. I didn't see it until he pointed it out and at 2 bites in I hadn't gotten to it, but I continued to eat it, thinking MAYBE I'll be wrong about it. I'll be damned if I didn't think it tasted fucked up and wrong.

Andrew once put a few shakes of mustard powder in something he made, barely discernible by him but made ME go "what's wrong with this. Did you put mustard in this?" His jaw was on the floor.

So. I do not LIKE mustard. My sensitive little taste buds go *eek* and do not want. I do, however, usually appreciate a honey mustard dressing. It's more sweet than anything.

I do not like pepper. Like, regular ol' run of the mill black pepper. Andrew ground it up for something he made in the kitchen. I was in the living room and my eyes started to burn. I said "Jesus, how much pepper are you going to USE??" And he was shocked cause he'd used like, 3 grinds.

But. There is something. And through experimentation, I do not think it is capsaicin, that makes me literally slide into a coma.

I have eaten at a BBQ joint (where I had the fucking SWEET sauce, and it still burned my mouth off) and had to go home after to "sleep" for an hour or two. It's not quite sleep, it's certainly not awake. I lay there, squinting my eyes shut, sometimes in the fetal position, waiting for the horrible ache in my stomach to go away, and the tightness and swelling in my throat to die down. Oh god and the headache. I wish not to discuss it. I have had ocular migraines that didn't hurt that badly.

While I'm eating this, I get a unique sensation. It seems lots of people, while eating spicy food, get an adrenal response, and their cheeks flush and they get all bright eyed.

However, I. I do not. Sometimes I get very pale. Sometimes I get bright red. I become sleepie and upset, because once again, I cannot eat something. (writing this is actually upsetting me cause I am remembering how often my "unenjoyment of things" has bothered someone else's good meal). I will get a false full feeling, where I am suddenly really hungry but completely unable to force food into my mouth. (ever had to belch REALLY BADLY, and once you did you could put more food in just fine, but before that your throat shut saying NONE SHALL PASS OR VOMITUS WILL OCCUR? It feels exactly like that, but there is no relief belch coming.)

Andrew's love (and I mean LOVE) of spicy food has brought this on more often than most. Simply because I am willing to TRY to find something to eat. We won't even go into what happened to me after the Ethiopian food incident. Or how I cried at one Indian restaurant.

Actually. I have had several unfortunate episodes at Indian restaurants, but I finally found ONE restaurant who understands that I canNOT eat spicy food and I have found one dish and a few sides that I can eat. *SQUEE* I think this excites Andrew more than me, if possible, because now we can go out for one of his favorite foods and I can actually eat something. I don't like inconveniencing people. (and gods bless the mango lassi)

You might be like "How is that inconveniencing people?" And you'd be surprised.

Bill has told me to get used to spicy food. To which I reply "get used to eating cheese". He does not like the taste or texture of certain foods, and I have never made him eat them without testing out if something is okay. So why should I have to get over MY food issue, when it makes me physically ill? (btw, this is the 3 second comment that must have sat in my subconscious and festered like a little asshole making that horrible nightmare happen)

Josh has told me "now you know how I feel" when I gave in so he could eat somewhere safe for his religious reasons, not food based allergies (the Indian restaurant). I said "Yours is a CHOICE. Religion is a CHOICE. I have no choice in my food restrictions." I have always let him know when cheese is in something (he is lactose intolerant) and I have made signs for him to know when bacon is in something. And I like bacon. Just cause I like it doesn't mean I should give it to someone who follows a religion saying "Hey. Don't eat pig." Cause that is just mean, right?

I'm just siting these two examples because I remember them at the moment. There are so fucking many I can't count.

Andrew's family, bless their hearts, eat spicy things like my family ate pasta. Due to the people their kids end up with, they have had to severely restrict their menu. One doesn't like mushrooms (and neither does Andrew). One is allergic to wheat. Etc. And now me. With the no spice thing. And they have gone out of their way to make sure I don't get spicy food. We were with them for 5 days over Christmas and his brother-in-law's very Bangladeshi mother made a dish that I could eat, and put the chilies on the side. I gave her a HUGE hug that night. Because she went out of her way for ME, at that point a perfect stranger. I was so touched. It sound stupid, but after years and years of people just not either giving a shit, or not believing me, it was just nice to have people care about my food enjoyment. Especially one who didn't know me.

Oh, and it was *delicious*. Some chicken rice vegetable thing of awesome that I had 3 plates of.

I am also allergic to jasmine. It smells like cat piss to me, which apparently isn't far off because it's in the same family scent-wise as it. Interesting, yes? I either smell something people normally can't, or I don't smell something they can. I think it's the former, but I'm not 100% at the moment. I smell it and it gives me INSTAMIGRAINE. Or, if I'm really lucky! Gives me bleeding blisters in my nose. Yay! Oh wait, and there was that time that I turned into a Joss Whedon vampire for a day and a half during faire season. YOU sell roses knocked up on a shot of 75mg of Benadryl. "You'll be fine. Just don't sit down." "WHAT? It's 11am! I gotta go till at least 8pm, and that's just HERE." I slept like a baby that night. Coma'ed out around 9:30. I woke up still vampiric though. I sold like a beast that day. I think people pitied the vamp.

So.

In short.

Don't try to trick me into eating spicy food. And I won't make sure you're surrounded by bees and scorpians.

Don't tell me to get used to eating spicy food. And I won't lace all your food with arsenic waiting for you to get used to it.

Just try and be respectful of my issues. And I'll try and be respectful of yours in kind.

You can tease me about it, I don't care about that "Oh, make sure to put ALL the peppers in Nikki's food" and I will tease right back. As long as you're not blatantly mean or rude to me and actually do it.

Cause it's not funny. It makes me sick.

Randomness. BEERHOLD!!

I AM COLD I AM COLD I AM COLD I AM COLD I CAN'T FEEL MY FEET THEY ARE WET AND COLD I HATE THIS WEATHER.

It's only raining. But it's freezing rain. So there are puddles of ICE WATER all over.

We've been salting our sidewalks, but there is still an icy patch. Some fucking douchecock, who had NO business over here, comes in and goes "It is treacherous out there, and you should salt." and we were like "UH. WHO are you? And we have. Twice." and this fucker goes "IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" and leaves.

A) It's really not OUR job to salt. It's the management company's. We do it cause it takes the management company FOREVOOOR to get their stupid asses over here. In fact, we were call 12 or something complaining TO said company to get someone over here. So they sent a truck, they drove slowly through the parking lot (not salting or ANYTHING) and then left.

WTS?!?!?!

B) DICK! Who are you!??!! You aren't a client, you weren't even coming here, you walked DOWN THE SIDE WALK and harassed someone else!! WHO ARE YOU!! FUCK OFF AND DIE!!! I kept wishing he'd fall. He did the walking shuffle thing shaking his head like, how dare we let ice accumulate.

C) I went outside and ran errands and STILL managed not to die. Boots are wet, socks are wet, but I DIDN'T SLIP ONCE. Fucking tool.

D) I hate humans.

Wow. I didn't realize what a rant would slip out. But I really do.

Anyrate. Part of my erranding was going to the Post Office!! So Tia, Amy, & Christy have stuffff coming towards them. Once Kayla emerges, she shall too.

My big boss is still in Hawaii for TWO MORE WEEKS! And he only really calls in once a day, around 2. Life is great. :D

OOOH!! I can put my feet on my computer it's nice and warm. MMM! Yay puter.

I ate two pieces of pizza and like, 16 ounces of soda. I am so fat and bloated today. Even though I went to the gym and kicked my own ass AGAIN.

I need sex.

OH MY GOD we have a lot of Dutch people here. I swear to god. We just had three Dutch people come in back to back. That got Patrick & I talking. Our "Van" section of wills is in TWO file drawers. JESUS.

So I said we need to have the perfect Dutch name. Ebenezer den Van Der Stra. Or something. That would be like. Perfect.

I HAVE TO PEE! Effin soda. I'm all caffeinated.

I can't wait to go out tonight. Even if it is SHITEFUL. Whatever. Yay going out.

*runs around the office like Corholio*

GOD my feet are cold.

My earlier post, just because you *were* the best/most unique/smartest at something in high school doesn't mean you're ANY fucking good at it now.

Cause the world is a lot bigger than high school. Or college.

Accept yourself, dammit.

I hate goth elitists.

"I'm sooo goth, I was getting my eyebrow pieced when i was NINE and before anyone KNEW you could pierce an eyebrow!!!"

"Oh yeah?? Well *I'M* so goth that I was going to REALLY GOTH CLUBS and making my own clothes when I was ELEVEN!!!"

"OH YEAH!! WELL STUPID KIDS WHO HANG OUT AT THE MALL AND LISTEN TO MARILYN MANSON DON'T KNOW WHAT GOTH IS!!!"

"OH YEAH!?!? WELL JUST WEARING BLACK DOESN'T MEAN YOUR GOTH, IT MEANS YOU'RE UNORIGINAL!! I'M WEARING PINK NOW!! IT'S THE NEW BLACK!!"

Listen you unoriginal bastards in your pissing contest of NOTHING.

You can listen to Marilyn Manson and still be goth.

You can listen to the fucking DIXIE CHICKS and still be goth.

You can wear other colors and STILL BE GOTH.

Being goth isn't just about cutting your wrists, drawing on terrible eyeliner or taking pictures in cemeteries.

It's about feeling the music, fitting into that groove, seeing something a lil' different and going "ooh.. Yes.. I *like* that"...

If you sit there and listen to hoodrat music 24/7 and dress like a Mansonite, call yourself goth and have NO CLUE who Peter Murphy is, YES, you can be and most likely are, a poser.

Just because someone scenes out later in life than *you* doesn't mean that they need to be fucking HAZED or something by you since you are "gothier than thou".



Just because you're pretentious, it doesn't make you a goth. It makes you an ASSHOLE.

I've been thinking.

As you all may or may not know, I'm a confidant to many.

No, I'm not spilling any secrets.

*listens as people scroll quickly past this post*

But what I've noticed a lot of problems are with GOOD people in DECENT relationships that just lose that "oomph".

Why lose that oomph?

Having been in two relationships that BEYOND lost their oomph, I think I have a theory.

Laziness. Disinterest.

I call the first 4 months of a relationship the "probationary period" because that's usually when people are trying to show you their best side to suck you in. After that, you get mildly attached, and are more willing to "ride it out" because that person has become a usual aspect of your life.

Laziness becomes rampant.

As does neglect, because you are just USED to that person being around.

My cure for this?

Don't let it happen!!!

- Be empathetic. Do the "How would I feel if.." thing to yourself.

- Flowers. Guys like'em too. Be wary the allergic.

- ALONE TIME!!!!!!! Jesus, if you're parents, this is *especially* important! You're with this person for a REASON! Remember WHY. I.E. - How about we go to Barnes and Noble and sit at the cafe and talk. Nice, quiet, on the cheap side of things.

- Compliments. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. Compliment your SO. It is SO MUCH EASIER to make someone smile than it is to make someone unhappy. Especially if you care about that person. I.E. - I just love to see you smile, because it makes ME happy

If you find a compliment is too hard to give to your SO, MAYBE they deserve someone better than you. Cause clearly you don't appreciate them.

- Remember WHY you appreciate that person. Compliment them. I.E. - Baby, you know when you scratch my back, I SO love when you do that. Thank you

- THANK YOU! These are two words that are *so* underated, yet are probably used less than their cousins "I'm sorry". LET'S USED THANK YOU MORE OFTEN!!

- Interest. Are you really interested in this person? Why? Think about these things. If you truly are, TELL THEM WHY.

- Focus. If you're cranky, don't take it out on your SO. They just want to see you happy. If you've had a bad day at work, let them help you rant about it. Don't pick on something they're doing that isn't even truly a PROBLEM because you're pissie.

- Love. Do you love this person? Do you SAY it enough? Do you SHOW it enough? You know what's great? POST IT NOTES! Stick an "I love you" on a post it note and shove it in the pocket of their coat. On the bathroom mirror. In their purse. On the steering wheel of their car.

It's the little things, man.

I'm sure I'll update this later. Just needed to bitch.

And if you think you do all these things already, just *ask* your SO.

Edit
Thanks to wurmwyd, another.

HONESTY!!!!!: And if honesty is too harsh, here's a phrase that every couple should practice saying: "This might be something that you don't want to hear, and I really don't want to hurt you, but this is something I need to tell you even though it is difficult for me to say it....".

Yeah. Word.