Saviors and saints, devils and heathens alike

Day 01 – Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love
Day 03 – Your parents
Day 04 – What you ate today
Day 05 – Your definition of love
Day 06 – Your day
Day 07 – Your best friend
Day 08 – A moment
Day 09 – Your beliefs
Day 10 – What you wore today
Day 11 – Your siblings
Day 12 – What's in your bag
Day 13 – This week
Day 14 – What you wore today
Day 15 – Your dreams
Day 16 – Your first kiss
Day 17 – Your favorite memory
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday
Day 19 – Something you regret
Day 20 – This month
Day 21 – Another moment
Day 22 – Something that upsets you
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry
Day 25 – A first
Day 26 – Your fears
Day 27 – Your favorite place( The Rest )

I would have easily said Pennsic at one point, but this year was rather sort of rough. I hope to hell next year is different or I'm going to find a new line of vacation.

Aside from that, I don't know if I have a favorite physical place.

Let's see.

There's Q's.



Portugal was kind of amazing.



The rose cooler. This won't make sense to a lot of you. But hey. Whatevs.



My Apartment in Parsippany.





New York City, my favorite city on the planet.



Grand Cayman



Cozumel was pretty damned amazing. All those pix are on my other hard drive though.

*sigh*

Pretty much, where my friends are, I suppose. The scenery is just a bonus.

I am partial to Frederick now.

Day 01 – Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love
Day 03 – Your parents
Day 04 – What you ate today
Day 05 – Your definition of love
Day 06 – Your day
Day 07 – Your best friend
Day 08 – A moment
Day 09 – Your beliefs
Day 10 – What you wore today
Day 11 – Your siblings
Day 12 – What's in your bag
Day 13 – This week
Day 14 – What you wore today
Day 15 – Your dreams
Day 16 – Your first kiss( The Rest )

Ugh. My first kiss. Well, the one I count. It was with this guy named Andre, who I actually still know, but don't have on my Facebook. He knocked up my cousin's friend and they're together now. The kid is cute.

Anyrate. Andre. He was my neighbor back when I was 14 or 15? I really don't remember. I think I may have been closer to 15.

I was really awkward looking for quite some time. At the age of 13, I started attracting unwanted attention from men, and I mean MEN. Older men (like, 40+. Why? I don't fucking know. I was also mistaken as a TEACHER at my 8th grade dance that year. What the fuck people? I HAD ACNE AND BRACES. SEE???)


My cousin Trish & I on the way to the dance.

Anyrate. Around 15? I was invisible. Which was fine. I might have been invisible since I started wearing *super* baggie stuff. Cause ya know. Yeah. Yay 1994.

So, there's a bunch of us. I lived in an apartment complex, you see. And I had a BUNCH of neighbors who were my friends and around my age. Andre & his siblings were new to the complex, and we were all hanging out on the picnic tables in the back. Andre had been showing interest to me in front of my mom, and it was obvious my mom was like "THANK GOD, A BOY LIKES MY DAUGHTER." I think she thought I was a lesbian. OH WAIT. I know she thought that.

She was only half right.

However, at the time, I was insecure, and confused, and didn't know if I was even remotely attracted to him. He had a brother who was a year and a half younger (but I wasn't about to do anything about that, cause he was like, 13 or so, and that was just TOO young. And I was insecurity personified. Even though ALL those boys looked a lot older than they were. The youngest won a 8 year old body building competition at 5... yeah. They even have those.)

After playing Manhunt (Most of the kids were a few years younger than me, but they were fucking ninjas. I miss those days.), we were chilling on this picnic table (that can't possibly exist there anymore since they built ANOTHER set of buildings on that land. RIGHT NEXT TO THE CREEK RUN OFF BASIN!! IDGI.) and Andre starts like. Rubbing my leg.

Okay? Maybe his hand is cold.

Now he's like, laying on my lap. What? Maybe he's tired.

Now he's turned and is like, rubbing my BARE back UNDER MY SHIRT at the same time. Apparently his hand *isn't* cold.

What is going on here?

My friend/neighbor, Alex, notices this and is like "Man, I'm outta here." And sure enough everyone else starts to go home.

His brothers lag behind a bit. Kinda waiting for Andre, but realizing that he's not coming along.

Sure enough we're alone, and I'm like "I guess I should be going in soon," and he's all "No, no, not yet."

He pulls me between his legs, he's sitting on the table part of it, and resting his feet on the bench part, and so we're almost like, spooning but standing? I don't even know how to explain it.

He starts like, kissing my neck and rubbing my breasts and rubbing my sides and making all these teenage horny boy noises.

And AALLLL the while I'm like, uhh.

Cause what the hell do I do?

Also? My mother's bedroom window is NOT FAR AT ALL, and if she were to look out? She would TOTALLY see what was going on. Not to mention she was dating KING of all racists at the time (did I mention Andre is black as black gets? *scrolls up* No, I didn't. He's black as black gets. As Jared would say "somewhere between Denzel Washington and Nelly".), so I am FREAKED OUT that Rich would see and do something stupid.

Instead of thinking about the first sexual encounter I'm having with someone my own friggin age, I am thinking about this shit. And how I don't feel comfortable.

I let this go on for a bit. Then I was like "No, really, I have a curfew" (true, but it wasn't for another hour) and he sighs and walks me toward my apartment, but says underneath my bedroom window "Don't I even get a kiss?" and as I went to answer him, VOOMP.

Tongue down throat.

The bastard had brushed his teeth at some point. HE KNEW. I didn't.

We kissed for like, 30 seconds and he got Roamin' hand syndrome again and I pulled away and that was that. I scampered to my apartment.

The next day he acted all awkward and weird around me like the rest of the guys in my world. Like they didn't want to be seen with me cause I was the chubby weird looking girl and "oh no she might be interested" look. It was annoying. I wasn't interested in him at all. HE was the one who made the moves on me.

Looking back, he might have been trying to reject me since I clearly didn't have an interest in him. But even back then, I was trying to be mature and was all "no, everything is cool."

Fucker even got me in THE WORST trouble I ever got into with my mom.

I had some of my neighbors over when my mom told me not to have anyone. I knew I shouldn't have done it, but we were all laughing and having fun. Andre was in my room and listening to a CD and I saw my mom pull up out my window. I GOT EVERYONE OUT IN TIME except Andre (since he has ALWAYS moved slow and stop), the worst one to be coming out of my bedroom (the rest of my neighbors were really young, or just playing on my keyboard. But here is this 6'5" BOY coming out of MY BEDROOM.)

That was a fun "I can't trust you anymore" conversation. UGGHHH.

Yeah.

So. First kiss. Was lame.

Second kiss didn't happen till I was like, 20. I was a super late bloomer.

We had FILM.

And now, I have a high quality scanner in which to set them in. *GLEE*

And it came one to six days earlier than scheduled.

I am THRILLED.

I gave up on the whole organized religion thing at the age of 13. My mother was due to have a second marriage that year, and I was going through confirmation classes (Protestant). however, I'd not been baptized. so the thing we were going to do was have a private baptism and then I'd get confirmed. Tada.

Well.

My mom decided NOT to marry her fiance, whom I couldn't stand (but she stayed with him for another 2 years...what?) and SUDDENLY the church was all "oh NOOO. you have to be baptized in public."

Nope. No way Kimosabe. That was not the agreement.

Then they told me it didn't matter anyway, since I'd missed too many Sundays to be confirmed. I was baffled. I saw my grandmother ever other weekend, and yes, had missed several Sundays, but there was a kid (who's aunt was married to an elder, funny that, - btw she was my ex-boss's wife) who literally NEVER came to church, but he was getting confirmed.

Calling the elders and pastor out on this bullshit, I deemed church a hypocrisy and told them I didn't want to belong to something that treated its members this way.

Aaannnddd... I remain unbaptized.

Cool kids, never have the time.

Today is the last day of my 20s.

Tomorrow, I embark on the adventure that is my 30s.

I had a pretty good decade in my 20s. I hope the 30s is good too. I hope that 29 isn't some sort of jumping off point for that cause 29 was sorta off and retarded, but had some good points.

I've been all reflective and shit.

Anyrate. I have to pack for Pennsic. Almost done. So weird. One week. In one week I will be at landgrab. One week.

And tomorrow. I will be 30.

Pennsic's a good way to kick off my 30s. Dontchya think?

Shakedown 1979.
Cool kids never have the time.
On a live wire right up off the street,
You and I, should meet.

Junebug skipping like a stone.
With the headlights pointed at the dawn.
We were sure we'd never see an end to it all.

And I don't even care to shake these zipper blues.
And we don't know just where our bones will rest.
To dust, I guess;
Forgotten and absorbed to the earth below.

Double cross the vacant and the bored.
They're not sure just what we have in store.
Morphine city slipping dues down to see.

That we don't even care, as restless as we are.
We feel the pull in the land of a thousand guilts.
And poured cement, lamented and assured.

To the lights and towns below.
Faster than the speed of sound.
Faster than we thought we'd go, beneath the sound of hope.

Justine never knew the rules;
Hung down with the freaks and ghouls.
No apologies ever need be made; I know you better than you fake it.

To see, that we don't even care to shake these zipper blues.
And we don't know just where our bones will rest.
To dust, I guess;
Forgotten and absorbed to the earth below.

The street heats the urgency of now.
As you see, there's no one around.


I love this.


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Life is so weird.

Thanks to Facebook, I've been getting back in touch with some of my old friends from marching band.

One of those friends is Jenn. She's doing well. Two boys, husband, somewhere in Florida.

Just found out her father was declared braindead from a surgery complication. Shouldn't have happened, but it did.

Her mom & dad were THEE SHIT. Some of the best band parents ever. At every game, every competition, chaperoned everything. Taught us songs we shouldn't have learned (Ya piss me off, fuckin' jerk! get on mah nerves! heh.)

My mom couldn't (or wouldn't, whatever) cover the cost of my Florida band trip. I sold a FUCK TON of poinsettas and wreaths (our fundraiser) and managed to bring my cost down, but couldn't cover the $300 leftover for the trip.

Much like a lot of things in my life, i resigned to the fact that I just couldn't go.

My band director pulled me into his office, and asked how bad I wanted to go. I was like "I tried to sell as many as I could."

Turned out, I'd done well. Like, 3rd place kind of well. He said anyone with that kind of determination deserved to go. But it wasn't him making it possible. It was Mr. & Mrs. D. Their two girls were going to the band trip and why shouldn't I? I'd worked hard. I cried. A lot. I do that you know.

Today. Mr. D is dead. And the world is a sadder place for it.

In Googling my name, I came across this little gem I'd long forgotten about.

DrunkFest MusicFest, at William Paterson University. Circa... Spring of 1999! Thank you Em!

There's a Skwrl & an Embly in there too ;-)

10 years ago, it was 1998. Take this survey, post the results, and see how many things have changed since then.

1) How old were you?
THEN: 18
NOW : 28

2) Where did you go to school?
THEN: William Paterson University.
NOW : The School of Hard Knocks.

3) Where did you work?
THEN: ShopReich.
NOW : Das Law Firm.

4) Where did you live?
THEN: Wayne, NJ
NOW : skIrvington, NJ

5) How was your hairstyle?
THEN: shoulder length, reddish, wavy.
NOW : middle of the back, brown (NATURAL!!!) and wavy

6) Did you wear braces?
THEN: no
NOW : no

7) Did you wear contacts?
THEN: yes
NOW : yes

8) Did you wear glasses?
THEN: yes
NOW : yes

9) Who was your best friend?
THEN: Amy, Kellie, Anson
NOW : Janete, Tia, Jim, etc etc etc

10) Which of your pets were still alive?
THEN: Lexington, Juliet & Madison
NOW : Maddie & Juliet *tear*

11) Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend?
THEN: I didn't have one till 21.
NOW : That guy I'm going to marry.

12) Who was your celebrity crush?
THEN: Who knows.
NOW : I don't know.

13) Who was your regular-person crush?
THEN: Pfft. Prolly Anson.
NOW : That guy I'm going to marry.

14) How many piercings did you have?
THEN: 6
NOW : 6

15) How many tattoos did you have?
THEN: 2
NOW : Like, 2. I've been tattooed way more than I have tattoos. I'm always adding to the one on my leg. Heh.

16) What was your favorite band/singer?
THEN: Fuck if I know. Prolly White Zombie.
NOW : Pick a Maynard creation.

17) Had you smoked cigarettes?
THEN: no
NOW : no

18) Had you gotten drunk?
THEN: yes
NOW : yes, duh.

19) Had you DRIVEN?
THEN: yes
NOW : yes

20) If so which car?
THEN: 1985 Cherry Red Camaro that I promptly killed.
NOW : 2000 Nissan Altima

21) Looking back, are you where you thought you would be in 2008?
HAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHA.

So I was trolling MySpace and Facebook last night cause I have nothing better to do with my life, and my friend Judy posted this picture from high school. I think it was the yearbook signing or something.

Heather, me, Judy & Francesca.



If you look, you could see that I've always worn a lot of rings ;)

So I have all these pix of my grandparents from when they were my age.

Pretty neat, eh?

Same "taking picture of a picture" stuff.

( Pix!! )