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Jun. 12th, 2006
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Just thinking...
Jun. 12th, 2006 02:09 pmThere are a lot of reasons I shouldn't be alive right now.
Like. My mom was too young and selfish when she had me. Totally should have had an abortion.
But.
She didn't.
And then she dated some REEEAAAL douche bags.
Some of them really hurt me, emotionally, none physically, but.. one in particular really made me want to end life. First mine. Then I realized HE was the problem, and I set my course differently.
But, obviously.. I didn't.
Then.. there are FREAK allergic reactions that were one time responses to things.. boughts of depression.. accidents... teenage stupidity...
But.. I'm still here.
When I graduated high school, I was totally flabbergasted. For some reason, it NEVER occured to me that I'd live to see that day.
So, once I did.. well. My outlook on the world sort of shifted. I no longer felt like I was on borrowed time.
As I get older, I feel certain parts of life are sweeter.
A year or two ago, being this broke would have CRIPPLED me.
Today, I don't feel so bad about it. It's just money. It comes and goes as it pleases.
I'm very calm about a lot of things. Friendship dramas, life in general.. I just let it all float away. Smell the sweeter things.
Advice I offer a lot lately is, "enjoy this feeling now, cause you don't know how long it'll last".
Prolly the best thing I've come up with so far.
I think the majority of the peace I have lately is due to one person. Cause he's my rock.
I love you, baby. :)
Like. My mom was too young and selfish when she had me. Totally should have had an abortion.
But.
She didn't.
And then she dated some REEEAAAL douche bags.
Some of them really hurt me, emotionally, none physically, but.. one in particular really made me want to end life. First mine. Then I realized HE was the problem, and I set my course differently.
But, obviously.. I didn't.
Then.. there are FREAK allergic reactions that were one time responses to things.. boughts of depression.. accidents... teenage stupidity...
But.. I'm still here.
When I graduated high school, I was totally flabbergasted. For some reason, it NEVER occured to me that I'd live to see that day.
So, once I did.. well. My outlook on the world sort of shifted. I no longer felt like I was on borrowed time.
As I get older, I feel certain parts of life are sweeter.
A year or two ago, being this broke would have CRIPPLED me.
Today, I don't feel so bad about it. It's just money. It comes and goes as it pleases.
I'm very calm about a lot of things. Friendship dramas, life in general.. I just let it all float away. Smell the sweeter things.
Advice I offer a lot lately is, "enjoy this feeling now, cause you don't know how long it'll last".
Prolly the best thing I've come up with so far.
I think the majority of the peace I have lately is due to one person. Cause he's my rock.
I love you, baby. :)
