OH god oh god oh god...

Jared and I are forming a celibacy club. HAHAHAH...

Then we're throwin' a party. The drink of choice will be Jonestown Jared's Kool Aid.

We just started thinking about all the people who get laid and we don't and... the tears.. I can't even type...


WE'RE HEEEDIOUS!!

People who get laid and we don't:

- Verne Troyer

- Fat Bastard

- That chick in KingPin that Woody Harrelson had to fuck for rent

- Sumo Wrestlers

- That wrestler Chyna with the 4 inch clit

- Fucking Carrot Top

- Jonathon Davis

- Ron Jeremy (I don't care HOW big his dick is, he looks like a fucking marmet)

- ROSEANNE

- Rosie O'Donnell

- David fucking Copperfield

- Dan Aykroyd

- Stephen Hawking (I debate this one though, but I bet the chair has attachments)

- Steve Buschemi

- Hugh Heffner! He's 900 years old!!!

- Kermit the Frog (Jared says he's literally porkin' too)

- Gary Goddamned "You Can Be As Loud As The Hell You Want When You're Making Love" Coleman


Jared: "What the fuck, man, I want to die. I wanna put on a Sadé album and put a shotgun in my mouth"



Me: "You masturbate more than anyone else on the planet"

Jared: "You come in a close second"

---

Who else? We're going for awful here. Like, there goes my fucking ego, bad.

<3 <3!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY gothhippiegrrl!!!

I hope this birthday is super fucking speshul <3 <3

Oh Maynard...

Run, desire run;
Sexual being.
Run him like a blade-
To and through the heart.
No conscience,
One motive:
To cater to the hollow.

Screaming,
"Feed me here;
Fill me up, again."
Temporarily pacify this hungering

So grow,
Libido throw
Dominoes of indiscretions down.
Falling all around,
In cycles,
In circles;
Constantly consuming-
Conquer and devour.

'Cause it's time to bring the fire down.
Bridle all this indiscretion
Long enough to edify,
And permanently fill this hollow.

Screaming,
"Feed me here;
Fill me up, again."
Temporarily pacifying.

"Feed me here;
Fill me up, again."
Temporarily pacifying.

HAHAH!

A select number of people will understand the amusement.

COFG@yahoo.com just sent me spam, to show me pix of her and her friends ;)

Hahahahhahahahahah

*yawn*

- Fuck I'm tired. And spring.

- I have a weird desire to watch Grey's Anatomy. I'm gonna have to wait for the friggin next day to watch it on the internets. *fiends* Unless there's someone's place I can go to for my Thursday night fix... Heh.

- I had a Boylan's root beer and now I'm all burpie. Yick.

- Rain. RAIN. MONSOONS ARE IMMINENT. TAKE SHELTER! WE ARE ALL FUXXORED!

- That song by Pink is on the radio and I find myself singing "nannananana" all friggin day long.

- I just helped Patrick. I get a Rice Krispie treat for my efforts.

- It is SO humid lately. Ew. It's been the perfect weather all summer. What is this shit with the humidity?? Do the weather gods think it's September in Jersey or something?

- I am trying to con Heidi into getting us out at 4. Heh heh heh. I am an asshole, for SO many reasons.

- I miss Draven. *makes grabbie hands*

- My hair smells so good today. Big thankee sai to Joe for this damned recommendation of the 3 Minute Aussie conditioner. Sooo soft and nommie.

- Okay, I keep getting distracted. Nuff lj'in.