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I've been thinking.
As you all may or may not know, I'm a confidant to many.
No, I'm not spilling any secrets.
*listens as people scroll quickly past this post*
But what I've noticed a lot of problems are with GOOD people in DECENT relationships that just lose that "oomph".
Why lose that oomph?
Having been in two relationships that BEYOND lost their oomph, I think I have a theory.
Laziness. Disinterest.
I call the first 4 months of a relationship the "probationary period" because that's usually when people are trying to show you their best side to suck you in. After that, you get mildly attached, and are more willing to "ride it out" because that person has become a usual aspect of your life.
Laziness becomes rampant.
As does neglect, because you are just USED to that person being around.
My cure for this?
Don't let it happen!!!
- Be empathetic. Do the "How would I feel if.." thing to yourself.
- Flowers. Guys like'em too. Be wary the allergic.
- ALONE TIME!!!!!!! Jesus, if you're parents, this is *especially* important! You're with this person for a REASON! Remember WHY. I.E. - How about we go to Barnes and Noble and sit at the cafe and talk. Nice, quiet, on the cheap side of things.
- Compliments. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. Compliment your SO. It is SO MUCH EASIER to make someone smile than it is to make someone unhappy. Especially if you care about that person. I.E. - I just love to see you smile, because it makes ME happy
If you find a compliment is too hard to give to your SO, MAYBE they deserve someone better than you. Cause clearly you don't appreciate them.
- Remember WHY you appreciate that person. Compliment them. I.E. - Baby, you know when you scratch my back, I SO love when you do that. Thank you
- THANK YOU! These are two words that are *so* underated, yet are probably used less than their cousins "I'm sorry". LET'S USED THANK YOU MORE OFTEN!!
- Interest. Are you really interested in this person? Why? Think about these things. If you truly are, TELL THEM WHY.
- Focus. If you're cranky, don't take it out on your SO. They just want to see you happy. If you've had a bad day at work, let them help you rant about it. Don't pick on something they're doing that isn't even truly a PROBLEM because you're pissie.
- Love. Do you love this person? Do you SAY it enough? Do you SHOW it enough? You know what's great? POST IT NOTES! Stick an "I love you" on a post it note and shove it in the pocket of their coat. On the bathroom mirror. In their purse. On the steering wheel of their car.
It's the little things, man.
I'm sure I'll update this later. Just needed to bitch.
And if you think you do all these things already, just *ask* your SO.
Edit
Thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
wurmwyd, another.
HONESTY!!!!!: And if honesty is too harsh, here's a phrase that every couple should practice saying: "This might be something that you don't want to hear, and I really don't want to hurt you, but this is something I need to tell you even though it is difficult for me to say it....".
Yeah. Word.
As you all may or may not know, I'm a confidant to many.
No, I'm not spilling any secrets.
*listens as people scroll quickly past this post*
But what I've noticed a lot of problems are with GOOD people in DECENT relationships that just lose that "oomph".
Why lose that oomph?
Having been in two relationships that BEYOND lost their oomph, I think I have a theory.
Laziness. Disinterest.
I call the first 4 months of a relationship the "probationary period" because that's usually when people are trying to show you their best side to suck you in. After that, you get mildly attached, and are more willing to "ride it out" because that person has become a usual aspect of your life.
Laziness becomes rampant.
As does neglect, because you are just USED to that person being around.
My cure for this?
Don't let it happen!!!
- Be empathetic. Do the "How would I feel if.." thing to yourself.
- Flowers. Guys like'em too. Be wary the allergic.
- ALONE TIME!!!!!!! Jesus, if you're parents, this is *especially* important! You're with this person for a REASON! Remember WHY. I.E. - How about we go to Barnes and Noble and sit at the cafe and talk. Nice, quiet, on the cheap side of things.
- Compliments. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. Compliment your SO. It is SO MUCH EASIER to make someone smile than it is to make someone unhappy. Especially if you care about that person. I.E. - I just love to see you smile, because it makes ME happy
If you find a compliment is too hard to give to your SO, MAYBE they deserve someone better than you. Cause clearly you don't appreciate them.
- Remember WHY you appreciate that person. Compliment them. I.E. - Baby, you know when you scratch my back, I SO love when you do that. Thank you
- THANK YOU! These are two words that are *so* underated, yet are probably used less than their cousins "I'm sorry". LET'S USED THANK YOU MORE OFTEN!!
- Interest. Are you really interested in this person? Why? Think about these things. If you truly are, TELL THEM WHY.
- Focus. If you're cranky, don't take it out on your SO. They just want to see you happy. If you've had a bad day at work, let them help you rant about it. Don't pick on something they're doing that isn't even truly a PROBLEM because you're pissie.
- Love. Do you love this person? Do you SAY it enough? Do you SHOW it enough? You know what's great? POST IT NOTES! Stick an "I love you" on a post it note and shove it in the pocket of their coat. On the bathroom mirror. In their purse. On the steering wheel of their car.
It's the little things, man.
I'm sure I'll update this later. Just needed to bitch.
And if you think you do all these things already, just *ask* your SO.
Edit
Thanks to
wurmwyd, another. HONESTY!!!!!: And if honesty is too harsh, here's a phrase that every couple should practice saying: "This might be something that you don't want to hear, and I really don't want to hurt you, but this is something I need to tell you even though it is difficult for me to say it....".
Yeah. Word.
