I came home. Snacked. Suddenly. Without fucking warning.
BAM! Throat ache. QUA?????
*in with the Halls*
*down with the Q*
Yick. Green Death.
Speaking of the Q.. TIME FOR A REPOST!!!!
I like a cold because I get to do my favorite drug, which is NyQuil. I love that stuff. What..what do the rest of you use, Robitussin? Robitussin, why do you bother, non-narcotic sissy-pansy bullshit.
NyQuil's got the best thing I've ever read on a medicine package - 180 proof. It's the moonshine of medicine. You can buy it on a holiday!
See 'cause when I got a cold I want something that's gonna fuck me up. 'Cause that way the blur seems interesting.
There's a daytime NyQuil there's a nighttime NyQuil, drink either one you want, 'cause your cold doesn't give a shit what time it is.
NyQuil comes in two colors: Red and Green. It's the only thing on the planet that tastes like: Red and Green. And red and green are what? Christmas colors! That's right, NyQuil makes a dandy eggnog! Oh yeah, my friends bitched through the whole party, 'This tastes like shit!' But at the end of it, we had a fun sleepover!
First time I did NyQuil was 1977, it came on the market and I was there. I said, 'Gimme that!' It had a little nurse's cap on it, get rid of it it's bullshit if there was a nurse, I wouldn't need the medicine. So I proceeded to drink the whole thing. Well back then then they didn't have the warning about operating farm equipment. Obviously you're not supposed to drink it, I woke up three days later. I was in Rockville, Maryland, a city I'd never been in, I was standing in front of a courthouse, and I was married to a woman I'd never met. But God-Damnit, I could breathe again.
"Tonight, I'm on NyQuil and Sudafed... Lemme tell ya something, folks- forget about cocaine and heroin, all you need is NyQuil and Sudafed. I'm telling ya right now, I took the NyQuil five years ago, I just came out of the coma tonight before the fucking show! Klaus Von Buller was standing over my bed yelling 'Denis GET UP!! There's something the matter with Sonny, HURRY UP!!'
I love Nyquil, man, I LOVE it. I love it I love it I love it, it's the best shit ever invented, isn't it? I love the name alone, NyQuil- capital N, small y, BIG FUCKING Q!!! I love that fucking Q, don't you? What a great advertising idea, put a big fucking Q right on the box! They'll get high and stare at it, 'The Q is talking to me, the Q is TALKING to me!'
I love NyQuil, man, 'cause NyQuil has never changed. All the other medicines are doing that 'inner child' thing- 'We know there's a small child inside of you, so now we have grape and cherry and orange flavor... Not NyQuil! They still have the original Green Death fucking flavor, you know why? 'Cause it doesn't matter what it tastes like, it's so strong you go *slrp* 'Hey this stuff tastes like... BANG you're in the coma already. 'What Happened?' 'He said "It tastes like" and then he went right into the coma, it's unbelievable!'
We have reached the point where the over-the-counter drugs are actually stronger than anything you can buy on the street. It says on the back of the NyQuil box 'May cause drowsiness.' It should say, 'Don't make any fucking plans, OKAY? Kiss your family and friends goodbye, say hello to Klaus!' NyQuil NyQuil NyQuil, we love you, you giant fucking Q!
NyQuil is the secret for all you 12-step recovery people. Yes, all you AA people, NyQuil is the key! It's the 13th fucking step! You can drink it, it's over-the-counter! 'Are you drunk?' 'No, I have a cold! Same cold I've had for 2 years, just can't seem to shake it! I'm high as a kite and my teeth are green, Merry fucking Christmas!'