Birthdays mean we're avoiding our death date.

[synnoveaevael]

Day 01 – Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love
Day 03 – Your parents
Day 04 – What you ate today
Day 05 – Your definition of love
Day 06 – Your day
Day 07 – Your best friend
Day 08 – A moment
Day 09 – Your beliefs
Day 10 – What you wore today
Day 11 – Your siblings
Day 12 – What's in your bag
Day 13 – This week
Day 14 – What you wore today
Day 15 – Your dreams
Day 16 – Your first kiss
Day 17 – Your favorite memory
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday
Day 19 – Something you regret
Day 20 – This month
Day 21 – Another moment
Day 22 – Something that upsets you
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry
Day 25 – A first
Day 26 – Your fears
Day 27 – Your favorite place
Day 28 – Something that you miss
Day 29 – Your aspirations
Day 30 – One last moment

Odd that this is #18. My birthday is the 18th.

Maybe when I was like, 7 and my mom rented a pony? That was good times. There's a picture somewhere of me on her, smiling. And she's peeing a bright yellow stream while I'm sitting on top her of her back. Ahh. Life.

That was good. But no.

This is gonna sound bizarre, but of course it would, since it's me. But I think my favorite birthday would be the one right after Lexington died.

I mean. It was actually one of the worst birthdays of my life. I'd gone to Grand Cayman with Tami, a vacation I could BARELY afford, but I was like "this is the perfect opportunity to go somewhere for so cheap! MUST GO!", so I went.

I came back and a few days later, my cat died. My Boo.

Died. And I could do nothing for him.

I still cry about him. He was such an amazing cat.

So.

Here I was. About $600 less of savings than I normally would have had.

Which, incidentally, would have about covered my vet expenses.

So I spent everything I had at the vet. Rent in 3 weeks? HAHA. That wasn't happening. Bills? HAHAA! Nope. Not that either.

But.

My birthday was happening. I was having it at Z's place. Cause having a summer birthday in my wee apartment without central air was just cruel, as I'd found out.

That morning, I woke up vomiting. Stress? Something I ate? Whatever. It sucked. (I know now that it was a gall bladder attack. I seemed to always have a different reason to blame it on something else. Stupid life.) I pulled most of the muscles in my abdomen. It sucked. Danny & Sean showed up to come to my party then drive out to Z's. They offered to take me.

Ya know. Once I was done retching.

We drove there, without incident.

I was incredibly unmade up. No make up, they're lucky I showered. I tried to help make food and Z shunned me to the couch where I curled up in a ball and prayed for a release of some sort.

Eventually, my friends fill her townhouse. Central air is the shit. I love it so hard.

And we do cake and all the silly things you do at birthdays. Took some pictures with all the Harry Potter books at my party. (EVERY FUCKING YEAR I had to deal with some fucking HP shit on my bday, or the day before, or whatever. I thought that was over. BUT NO!!! The second half of the last movie comes out around my bday for next year. CURSE YOU ROWLING!!)

Ya know. The norm.

At some point, Leslie and a few others drag me upstairs to Z's room. I remember walking like a zombie up the stairs cause my gut muscles hurt so bad and every step was like, FIRE. Ugh.

There, they handed me a card.

It was one they'd made, and all those fuckers had signed. It was a picture of Lexie and it said some sweet shit in it, from everyone. I cried like.

Well, I cried so hard it took me about a week to read the damned card. I'd tear up so bad I couldn't read. Hell, I tried to read it when I moved and I cried again.

One day I'll get through it all at once. One day.

But. Inside that wonderful card was money. A LOT of money. Mage & Kathy had given me a huge ass donation earlier that week, but now all my little conspirators had done so as well and well.

It totally paid my rent. And bills. And the rest of the vet bill.

So.

I cried some more.


I love my friends. They are the thing that keeps me going in this life.