synnoveaevael: (Peter Steele nomnom)
Soo proud. To be by your side. We were, a team no one denied...


What is the link, between these crafts, doctors and thieves they both wear masks, modern day... meat magicians... ... so let me die... with dignity... it's not suicide... simply mercy...


Life's a game.. I cannot win. Both good and bad must surely end.... The mirrors always tell the truth. I love myself for hating you.... heywaitaminute...



Yet in the dark, he still screams your naaame.... ... leave. leave her alone... I said leave her. Alone. Alone. ALONE. Me me me me me I know whyy...



Would you suffer eternally? Or internally?


In her place, one hundred candles burning... A salty sweat drips from her breast.. Her hips move and I can feel what they're sayin', swayin'... They say the beast inside of me is gonna get ya, get ya, yeah... Black lipstick stains her glass of red wine. I am your servant, may I light your cigarette... those lips smooth, and I can feel what you're saying, praying.. They say the beast inside of me is gonna get ya, get ya, yeahhh.... I beg to serve, your wish is my law. Now close those eyes and let me love you to death... Shall I prove I mean what I'm saying, begging, I say the beast inside of me is gonna get ya, get ya yeah...


Loving you was like loving the dead, loving you was like loving the dead, loving you was like loving the dead.... was like fucking the dead.


The stockings are hung but who cares?


But who will save the sane? Some beings, just can't change. Now, crawl on by, a fake tear in your eye and think 'isn't he strange?'...


They keep me warm on cold nights, it must be quite a sight... In our meat triangle... All tangled, wow! My girlfriend's girlfriend... she looks like... you! My girlfriend's girlfriend... she's my girl.. too ;-)


Nettie... no need to cry. Let me. Wipe those tear drops from your eyes. Nettie... no need to cry... Let me, wipe those tear drops from your eyes. In the dark bathed in cathode ray blue, Miss Red Hook of 1922... weeping silently for the pain of others... Every night a tearful rosary... a victim of the curse of empathy.. Her reward for compassion, is to suffer... Nettie... no need to cry... Let me, wipe those tear drops from your eyes... My shortcomings I know have caused her grief. But still she loves me this I can't believe!! Responding not with anger, but a prayer... Heaven's just southwest of Cobble Hill. Who I am the son of an angel! Maternally not one woman compares... Nettie! no need, to cry. Let me, wipe those tear drops from your eyes... (god I'd love to know what is said during the chanting)


Now I remember what he told me that time, falling from my bike scraping my knee, 'if you're going to weep keep it from sunshine, so no... one... sees'.... oooh, I won't cry! Above all things boy, be a man. I won't cry! Above all things boy be a man. See little boy hiding amongst ancient shadows, tears exposing ancient pain, from the storms predicted by the tarot, pray... for... rain.


And how many times.. can I say, I'm not sorry? And how many ways can I show I don't care? Rotting bodies of enemies! Cannot smell sweet enough to me. What is the price of a friend? Who would carry out revenge...


Like a flash of night. In an endless night. Life is trapped between, two black entities. Cause when you trust someone... Illusion has begun... no way to prepare... impending despair. Did one say so crue, 'tis better to love than lose'? Ignorance is bliss, wish knew not your kiss... So many times been burned. This lesson goes unlearned. Remember desire only fuels the fire... liar. I don't neeeeed love. I don't neeeed love. Betwixt birth and death.. Every breath regret. I pity the living... Envy for the dead. Emotionally stunned. In defense I'm numb. I'd rather not care than to be aware. Be scared... I don't neeeeeed love. I don't neeeed love... Are a thousand tears, worth a single smile. And if you give an inch. Will they take a mile? Longing for the past. But dreading the future. If not being used, then you're a user, and a loser, ah... World reknown failure, in both death and life.. Given nothingness, purgatory blight... To run and hide? A cowardly procedure. Options exhausted... except for anesthesia, anesthesia, ah.


Say the words I long to hear: Pinch bite kiss suck lick and sear... In a pyromantic way, I'm her slave. Living for her to ignite.


WE DON'T CARE. WHAT YOU THINK. WE DON'T CARE. WHAT. YOU. THINK.


Hey Bacchus, aaah. She hates me!


If you don't kill me, me. I'm gonna have to kill you, you.


See her smile lead me to the bedroom... Fire burning and there's wine for two... Feel your legs spreading out to take me, I just can't wait to get inside you... Summer girl. Make me feel fine, Always... in the corner. Of my mind.


Cold is the night in so many ways, Luna round, full and bright. Deep be the mud on the fresh dug graves, on yours. I recite. An ancient spell I know so well, success is guaranteed. I'll bring you back from where you've gone. On all. Hallow's Eve!


How quickly pass the days... Long, is the night.. Lying in bed awake, bathed, in starlight. It's better to live, as king of beasts... Than as a lamb... scared. And weak.

In death or life we'll always be... I find myself drawn to her shadow domain...


No whyyyyy... Oh god I miss you. I really miss you.

Eeee :)

Jul. 18th, 2011 02:43 am
synnoveaevael: (Hedgehog - swimming)
I'm 32. HAHAHA.

Also. Birthday weekend was pretty awesome. I had: Jim, Bill, Julie, Courtney, Z, Ammre, Woodchuck, Val, Leslie, Rich & Skwrl. Full house, and it was awesome. I love my friends.

Had a decent amount of sex, but no pix! Tragic. *lol*

THEN! Z & I went to see A Perfect Circle. *siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* Maynard flubbed a line I love, but it was awesome. Gorgeous. EPIC even. And I found a parking spot in front of the hall. HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN!?

I'm just a happy girl.

Happy 32nd to me. :)
synnoveaevael: (Peter Steele nomnom)
The way it's sung. The way it sounds. The rhythms and movements. It's a great break up song too. (NOT THAT THERE IS AN ISSUE, I AM JUST OBSESSED WITH TYPE O NEGATIVE).


Like a flash of light in an endless night
Life is trapped between two black entities
'Cause when you trust someone
Illusion has begun
No way to prepare
Impending despair

Did one say so cruel
'Tis better to love and lose
Ignorance is bliss
Wish not knew your kiss
So many times been burned
This lesson goes unlearned
Remember desire only fuels the fire
Liar!

Betwixed birth and death
Every breath regret
I pity the living
Envy for the dead
Emotionally stunned
In defense - I'm numb
I'd rather not care then to be aware
Be scared

I don't need love

Are a thousand tears worth a single smile?
When you give an inch, will they take a mile?
Longing for the past but dreading the future
If not being used, well then you're a user and a loser

World reknowned failure at both death and life
Given nothingness, purgatory blight
To run and hide, a cowardly procedure
Options exhausted, except for anesthesia
Anesthesia

I don't feel anything
I don't need anything
I don't need love

Fuck.

Apr. 15th, 2010 02:30 am
synnoveaevael: (Peter Steele nomnom)
The rumors are stating Peter Steele has died.

http://kikaxemusic.com/news/rip/526-rip-peter-steele-1962-2010

http://www.roadrunnerrecords.com/blabbermouth.net/news.aspx?mode=Article&newsitemID=138511&utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:%20blabbermouth%20%28Blabbermouth.net%27s%20Daily%20Headlines%29&utm_content=Twitter

http://www.thegauntlet.com/article/252/18405/Peter-Steele-has-died.html

http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/45926016.html

I am not happy at all.

Yes, he was not a saint. But his voice. His lyrics. They really fucking spoke to me. In 20 years, I have consistently listened to that man's voice and loved it.

I have seen them live three times. And it wasn't enough.

This news makes me so sad. So sad.

WEE!

Sep. 26th, 2009 03:57 am
synnoveaevael: (Dance with me!)
TONIGHT WAS KMFDM!

I AM SO EXCITED I AM SHOUTING!

Okay. But for serious. It was awesome. They were so on point.

Grainy pix two and three.

They totally closed with Godlike. SO AWESOME.

Also. Amusing factors of the evening include but are not limited to:

- At least 5 homeless people asking me for money.

- Getting hit on by a parking attendant.

- Having a small girl tell me I was pretty. Then asking where my baby was. She didn't seem to understand that I didn't have a child. I told her I had a niece. This placated her. We made funnie faces at each other for the duration of our mutual PATH ride.

- Having a crappy wouldbe rapper try to get me to buy his terrible looking CD. After I said I was unemployed, he said he'd give it to me for $5, not $10. After I said no thank you, AGAIN, he said he'd trade it to me for weed. I was like "uh, do not has?" and he said "Serious, sugar? You look like you deal!" UH, WHAT. I mean, drug dealers are like sociopaths, they look just like everyone else, but I don't know what pinned me as "the type". Seeing as I've never smoked a fucking thing in my life. Makes you wonder. Maybe it was my militant lesbian hat.

- Zigging when I should have zagged, but ending up at Grey's Papaya. *sniffles* YAY DINNER. Recession special, 2 dogs & a drink for $4.45? THANK YOU YES. I will have the papaya juice.

- Jared introducing me to some guy Scott. Turns out he's from The Real World: Brooklyn. Oh, and he models. Shook my hand twice and everything. And here I thought he was just pretty.

- Watching Jared get all grinded up ons by this very drunk girl. GOD DAMN THAT WAS FUNNIE. She did not realize J.Ro was just being polite. I should have been like "oh, hunnie... " but she was drunk.

- Having KMFDM rock out Drug Against War. Several other favorites, but I was shocked they played this one. Fangirlsquee.
synnoveaevael: (Peter Steele nomnom)
The show tonight rocked.

Effin schweet.
synnoveaevael: (Peter Steele nomnom)
Going to Type O Negative tonight?

:)



Oooh..



BTW, I don't recommend looking for pix of him at work with the Google safe search off. Heh. Unless you're having a bad day.

PS - What is with the slowness that is El Jay today?

Moosik.

Apr. 3rd, 2008 10:46 pm
synnoveaevael: (MJK Glam face)
Instructions: Open up your iTunes and fill out this survey.

How many songs total: 3108
How many hours or days of music: 9.7 days
Most recently played: Type O Negative - My Girlfriend's Girlfriend
Most played: And One - Techno Man
Most recently added: Siouxsie and the Banshees - Arabian Knights

Sort by song title:

First song: A.D.I.D.A.S - Korn
Last song: '97 Bonnie & Clyde - Eminem

Sort by time:
Shortest song: Skip It - Type O Negative (0:00:11)
Longest song: Harry Potter & The Prisoner of Azkaban (11:48:10), real song Alice's Restaurant - Arlo Guthrie (0:18:34)

Sort by album:
First album: Abba: A Tribute - Bananarama - Waterloo
Last album: Godhead - 2000 Years of Human Error (but there's a bunch of albumless stuff beyond that)

First song that comes up on shuffle: Queen - We Will Rock You


Search the following and state how many songs come up:

Death: 18
Life: 59
Love: 125
Hate: 12
You: 251
Sex: 22

*perk*

Mar. 27th, 2008 10:11 am
synnoveaevael: (Orly?  me)
Type O Negative.

Starland Ballroom.

Saturday, May 10th.

*ponderponder*
synnoveaevael: (Upside down)
These guys were one of the opening bands before Flogging Molly last night.

I bought a CD.

I can't understand a damn word this man is saying, but it kicks ASS.

The Reverend Peyton's Big Damn Band wiki

They did a song called "Your Cousin's on Cops", based on when Rev realized the cousin of his wife (the washboard player) was on cops. They apparently called her mother. Hilarity ensued.

They had an AMAZING energy. Got the crowd really into it.

Another favorite that had us pissin ourselves was something about if the shakes were the devil or the DT's. HAHAHA..

Fucking awesome.
synnoveaevael: (St. Patty's Day)
Flogging Molly kicked fucking ass.

I've also come to the conclusion that I have YET to meet or encounter a person of Irish decent who knows WHEN to say WHEN.

Sloppy bunch of fucks y'are.

I think I had a sign on my back that said "if you are sloppy drunk, PLEASE hit/lean/sweat/spill beer on me."

Ew.

BUTTT!!! I had a fantastic time. The music was on point. I am so glad I got to see them. And the Chance is an awesome place to see a show, cause there are no bad "seats".

Also, there is about a quarter of an inch of snow out there. I hope it stops. Now.

But other

Dood.

Oct. 5th, 2007 09:59 am
synnoveaevael: (Tongue)
I love the new KMFDM album, Tohuvabohu. It's awesome.

They do a cover of "Los Niños Del Parque" (originally by Liaisons Dangereuses) and it's awesome. You gotta love a song that counts to 4 in German then flips right to Spanish. Makes me wanna dance.

And of course the first song, "Superpower", has Rich's favorite quote:

Another millennium and none the wiser / I’m the one unparalleled Germanizer

Heh.

I totally recommend this album.
synnoveaevael: (MJK Bellie Button)
1. Nine Inch Nails********
2. Tool
3. Metallica
4. Slipknot
5. Def Leppard*
6. Type O Negative*
7. Queensryche*
8. VNV Nation*
9. No Doubt
10. Garbage
11. Bauhaus
12. Disturbed
13. White Zombie***
14. And One
15. Korn*
16. Ozzy Osbourne*
17. Creed
18. Marilyn Manson
19. Voltaire
20. A Perfect Circle
21. Apoptygma Berzerk
22. Das Ich*
23. Godhead
24. Covenant*
25. Reel Big Fish

Tired.

Sep. 6th, 2007 02:28 pm
synnoveaevael: (Joey - Yawn)
Sick.
And.
Tired.

*flips today off*

TIRED!!!!! ONLY 2:30!!! AAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!

So. I was listening to the radio. And like, "Nothing Else Matters" came on.

I think that's a pretty romantic song. Don'tchya think? *ponders* Yes. I think so.

I never really thought about it that way before. But it is.

Just might be the metalhead in me, but I'd swoon if that were sung to me.

*YAAAAAAAAAAAAWN*

Last I played some WoW. YEEE HAWWW! I hate the Plaguelands. Seriously. Stupid skeletons all over the effin place. Flying BACK and FORTH to the eastern and western ones. Little Pamela is DEAD. Why do *I* need to figure out what happened to her DEAD father?? Bah.

Anyrate.

I are sick.

:)
synnoveaevael: (Wayne's World - Zang)
So, I get to Se-cack-us to pick up Zhannette. We sit in traffic and say "fuck this" and park in Hoboken and Path it in. Cause I'm full of the smart, we went the wrong way down the aves in NYC once we got in. HAHAH. Whatever. It was a nice day for a walk.

Then we get into the show after standing on line anyways, and buy some merch (I got a hoodie & Janete got a tshirt), and secure a spot on the floor, gittin our drink on. After the first band (can't remember their name) we sat down on the floor, and the ittie bittie waitress was like, "Oh, girls, you should sit in the corner" and so we got up and she goes "In fact, if you pull back the curtain, there's a spot you can sit on"

So, we pull back the curtain and there's a spot all right. But it's one of those "I'm a super tall counter" spots. So we have to hike our fat asses up there. I got up there the first time no problem and was like, surprised as fuck. But the area was small, and Janete being as graceful as she is, couldn't get up there with me up there.

So she only got up there like, twice. I had to get up there like, 4 times cause my bladder was on super fuck you mode. We had the ONLY seats in the house. ANNND since we were up higher than most people, we could actually see the stage!

And our lil' waitress hooked us up with booze and told security to let us sit up there. HAHAH! Yay!!!!

So, Celtic Frost was alright. Irish death metal. Interesting to hear the accent by a man who looks like a ZZ Top reject wearing white face paint. The guitarist was cute.

At the end of their set, I made friends with a professional photographer who showed us that yes, the guitarist really was cute. He also showed us the band before that, and how he was going to have to photoshop the hell out of his teeth. Heh.

Also, during one of the Celtic Frost songs, Johnny & Kenny would run on the stage, and sing the chorus of one of their songs. It went "Blargblargblarg... blargblargblarg.... blargblarg.... HOOWAAAHH". Heh. and then they'd run off stage. Rinse & Repeat.

Then, before Type O, Janete went outside to kill herself (aka, smoke) and she was gone for like, EVAR. This drunk short chick starts hanging on my legs and shit, completely trashed and smoking next to me. HELLO!!! NON SMOKING VENUE!!! When Janete finally got back, I ran off to pee after catapulting her back up into our spot, and the short chick was gone.

Lots of friendly people at the show.

Then, Type O gets on. After a very very very long interlude of the Chicken Dance played at high bass (between set changes they played the chicken dance). Also, sporadically during their set, they'd stop for a break or whatever, and leave the stage. So we got to hear the Addams family song, and the Munsters song, and the Oompa Loompa song.

They rocked the house. Pete was on form, or so I thought. The bass on the keyboard was up a bit too high so it distorted his vocals, but whatever. It was good.

They guys were dicking around with each other, Pete kept blaming Kenny for distracting him during songs, and they were laughing and stuff. At some point Pete was playing with a bra on his bass, and tried to put it on Kenny.

During Christian Woman, the lead singer of Celtic Cross came out singing that "Jesus Christ looks like me" then, "Jesus Christ looks like Pete" and then "Jesus Christ looks like Josh", cause Josh is now sporting the ZZTop beard and loooong frizzy hair.

At the end of Black No. 1, they did the TP!! About 50 rolls of toilet paper got chucked back and forth.

I love Irving Plaza.

We had so much fun. Even though my ass has a weird bruise from getting on that damned cabinet :)

Got home around 2am. WEEEEEEEEEEE. hehehe :D
synnoveaevael: (Heroes - Hiro woohoo)
By a strange twist of fortune, [livejournal.com profile] anathemad and [livejournal.com profile] cassiusdrow are taking me to see Loreena McKennitt tonight!

DIIIID IIII MENTION the tickets are SECOND ROW????

Excuse me while I squee this out.

*squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*
synnoveaevael: (Kate Winslet - I hate this place)
And I'm not dead.

:)

I slept like a BABY last night. I love NyQuil. I went to sleep in one position and STAYED THERE.

Very un-me.

I saw two rum trucks. Like the missed me. A Spiced Captain Morgan truck & a Tattoo truck. Yum.

Two interviews y'all might be interested in.

Peter Steele's always humorous self and Maynard James Keenan's happy little self on the SuicideGirls page. The drummer from Tool's only got one AARRMM... No, not really. Danny hurt hisself. Bad Danny.

Actually, the pages themselves are pretty worksafe, considering.

I'm gonna go sleep under my desk now.
synnoveaevael: (TBC - Neomaxiezoomdweebie)
The Great Luke Ski - "Stealing like a Hobbit"

(opening sound effect, song begins)

(Spoken, like beginning of "Lose Yourself":)
Look… If you had… One Ring… To find them…
One ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them…
Would you rule them all?… Or go see "Harry Potter" instead?

(Closet Verse 1)
Have you ever been angered while sent on a dangerous quest?
I have, 'cause of this ring hangin' on a chain on my chest.
Saturday, was sent on my way, Gandalf the Grey
Said get away, to the fires of Mount Doom, no delay.
All this medieval upheaval has led to evil retrieval.
Hid from Souron the moron, a weasel once known as Smeagol.
Running from Uruk-hai and Wraiths, by now you all know the story,
With Saruman in Isengard, and his Play Doh Orc factory.
Gory! Men, elves, and dwarfs, listen to them yell and them shout.
Now we're the Fellowship, but they'll never mellow me out.
Make no mistake. It's prob'bly too much for you to take,
Ain't it Gollum? I'm-a show you I'm a hard Hobbit to break!

(Closet Chorus 1)
I'm sorry Gollum.
I never meant to hurt you,
But you can kiss that ring bye-bye,
'Cause tonight, I'm stealing like a Hobbit.
One more time, I said
I'm sorry Gollum.
I never meant to hurt you,
But you can kiss that ring bye-bye,
'Cause tonight, I'm stealing like a Hobbit.
Ha!

(Closet Verse 2)
The whole survival of everyone in Middle Earth's the burden I'm Tolkien.
You think it's easy? What kind of pipe-weed you smokin'?
Man, I'm not jokin'. I'll take you back a year or sixty,
Before I ever had a multi-disc extend-DVD.
You were a creature feature, live to rant and rave in a cave.
My Baggins Uncle snatched the ring you love and crave, he's so brave,
Then he split. Now he's retired, and as he kissed me goodbye,
Dropped the ring, and stuck me starin' at that big evil eye.
I'm going crazy, ever since I started leaving the Shire.
Because of this stupid ring, the forests were set on fire.
'n all the men again will die some more all for Gondor in Boromir's war,
But he's only human. He went mad enough for Mordor to score.
What he did was stupid, a dumb deadly scam.
But the smartest thing I did was take off on my own, 'cept for Sam.
'Cause he'd-a killed us, they all would have just gone nuts you see?
It's our quest, just me and Sam, this Goonie's good 'nuff for me!

(Closet Chorus 2)
I'm sorry Gollum.
I never meant to hurt you,
But you can kiss that ring bye-bye,
'Cause tonight, I'm stealing like a Hobbit.
One more time, I said
I'm sorry Gollum.
I never meant to hurt you,
But you can kiss that ring bye-bye,
'Cause tonight, I'm stealing like a Hobbit.
Huh!

(Stan Verse 2.5)
(Spoken, as Samwise Gangee, like letter readings from "Stan")
Dear Mr. Frodo, just writing you this letter while you were nappin'.
It's been a long tale since our furry feet have got to steppin'.
You know that series of books that were later made into some movies?
About a little guy who went on a mission against evil? Man it was groovy!
He had this thing that would make him invisible whenever he'd wanta?
And an old wizard mentor, you know, that kid, Harry Potter?
That's kinda how this is. They'll sing songs about us across the land.
Just you and me, hit me back, your biggest fan, this is Sam.

(Stan Chorus 2.5)
(Sung as Arwen, female vocalist)
The elves gone home, I'm wondering why…
I left Rivendell at all.
The undying lands are where I'm living…
So I'll be immortal.
I think of my lost love, who'll be king one day,
When I see my pendant's gone.
It reminds me,
That the road goes ever on and on…

(Closet Verse 3)
Now I would never have believed all that's gone down on this mission.
You don't need a magician to see all the facts in this fiction.
Aragorn and Arwen are kissin', while Merry and Pippin
Are hitchin' rides on a treetop. Sam's dissin' you with suspicion, hissin'.
I really gotta pee, can we please have intermission? But no,
We watch you go fishin', wishin' for plot exposition.
This whole time I told Samwise that I pity you, "So sad ain't he?"
Now I obsess, and I regress. I'm getting slim and so shady! Save me!
Maybe the reason the ring's turning me into you,
'So with my actin' Peter Jackson wins an Oscar or two?
But guess what? Ten thousand Orcs versus some dorks in a castle,
You better call some elves to help you reinforce in this battle.
And Legolas is so slick now, such an excellent smelter.
Like if Tony Hawk was starring in "The Legend Of Zelda". (thwip!-Gaaahh!)
Keepin' score with the dwarf, Gimli has tossed in his brawn.
Look east at dawn, the Riders killed tons of Orcs on the lawn.
Can't believe Bilbo left me to go on this horrible trek!
You selfish peck! I hope you're eaten by an ogre named Shrek!
Will I prevail and survive, or will some spider get me?
I don't know, I haven't read, through book two and book three!

(Closet Chorus 3)
I'm sorry Gollum.
I never meant to hurt you,
But you can kiss that ring bye-bye,
'Cause tonight, I'm stealing like a Hobbit.
One more time,…

(Spoken bit: Gollum attacks Frodo, takes ring back)

…I said, I'm sorry Gollum.

Gollum: Philthy little thieves!

I never meant to hurt you,

Gollum: It's ours and we wants it! (Gollum grunts as he tries to take the ring)

But you can kiss that-

Frodo: Hey! Gollum! Get off me, man! Hey! Hey, give that back!

Gollum: Aaah!!! I gots the precious!!! I gots it!

(Lose Chorus 3.5)
(As Gollum)
You gotta rule them all with the precious, the precious, the precious,
You better never lets it go!
You only gets one ring, the thing that you've gots to know,
This Gollum looney me wants the precious precious!
You better rule them all with the precious, the precious, the precious,
You better never lets it go!
You only gets one ring, the thing that you've gots to know,
This Gollum looney me wants the precious precious!
You better…

(Spoken bit, Frodo takes the ring back, Gollum screams and moans as song fades out)

Frodo: Gimmie that thing back! It's mine! Ha! Lets go.

Gollum: Noooo!!! The precious!!! You philthy little tricksy Hobbitsses!!! You stole the precious!!!

NERD PORN!

Mar. 8th, 2007 09:22 pm
synnoveaevael: (I heart my dork)
An oldie, but goodie.

Due to [livejournal.com profile] lexysmash blowing the grading curve for her physiology classmates...

Ernie Cline listen.tis.goot.

Nerd Porn Auteur

I've noticed that there don't seem to be any porno movies
that are made for guys like me.

All the porn I've come across
was targeted at beer-swilling sports bar dwelling alpha-males
Men who like their women stupid and submissive
Men who can only get it up for monosyllabic cock-hungry nymphos
with gargantuan breasts and a three-word vocabulary

Adult films are populated with these collagen-injected
liposuctioned women
Many of whom have resorted to surgery and self-mutilation
in an attempt to look the way they have been told to look.

These aren't real women. They're objects.
And these movies aren't erotic. They're pathetic.
These vacuum-headed fuck bunnies don't turn me on.
They disgust me.
And it's not that I'm against pornography.
I mean, I'm a guy. And guys need porn.
Fact.
"Like a preacher needs pain, like a needle needs a vein,"
Guys need porn.

But I don't wanna watch this misogynist he-man woman-hater porn.
I want porno movies that are made with guys like me in mind:
Guys who know that the sexiest thing in the world
is a woman who is smarter than you are.

You can have the whole cheerleading squad,
I want the girl in the tweed skirt and the horn-rimmed glasses:
Betty Finnebowski, the valedictorian.
Oh yes.
First I want to copy her Trig homework,
and then I want to make mad, passionate love to her
for hours and hours
until she reluctantly asks if we can stop
because she doesn't want to miss Battlestar Galactica.
Summa cum laude, baby!
That is what I call erotic.

But do you ever see that kind of a woman in a contemporary adult film?
No.
Which is why I'm going to start writing and directing Geek Porno.
I shall be the quintessential Nerd Porn Auteur.
And the women in my porno movies will be the kind
that drive nerds like me mad with desire.

I'm talking about the girls that used to fuck up the grading curve.
The girls in the Latin Club and the National Honor Society.
Chicks with weird clothes, braces, four eyes, and 4.0 GPAs.
Brainy articulate bookworms, with MENSA cards in their purses
and chips on their shoulders.

My porn starlets will come in all shapes and sizes.
My porn starlets will be too busy working on their PhD to go to the gym.

In my kind of porno movies the girls wouldn't even have to get naked.
They'd just take the guys down to the rec room and
beat them repeatedly at chess
and then talk to them for hours about Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle
or the underlying social metaphors in the Aliens movies.

Buy stock in some hand cream companies
because there is about to be a major shortage.

And I'm not just talking about straight porn. Oh no.
There should be fuck films for my nerd brethren
of all sexual orientations.
Gay nerd porn flicks with titles like "Dungeons and Drag-queens."

This idea is a fucking gold mine.
I am gonna make millions,
because this country is full of database programmers
and electronics engineers
and they aren't getting the loving they so desperately need.
And you can help . . .

If you're an intelligent woman is interested in breaking into the adult film industry,
and if you can tell me the name of Luke Skywalker's home planet,
then you are hired.

It doesn't matter if you think you're overweight or unattractive.
It doesn't matter if you don't think you're beautiful.
You are beautiful. . .
And I will make you a star.

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synnoveaevael

November 2014

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