Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated ;)
No, I'm fine.
I will recount the GORY DETAILS momentarily. But I would love to thank part of mah crew for this adorable thing:
It's Firenze's new best friend.
That is also my new chair. It's my grandmother's chair. I lorve it. Fuzzbutt is sleeping on it now.
I love my build-a-cheetah!! He's all decked out in scrubs and stuff. SO CUTE. Thanks you guys, he was TOTALLY worth waddling down the stairs for. The PSE&G guy? Not so much. He was sorta cute though ;)
Okies. GORY DETAILS!
Jim & I get to the hospital at about 8:20. Late, but the Garden State Parkway holds no prisoners. I find out that I have to shell out $200 up front. DICKS. This is IN ADDITION to the $2500 insurance deductible. My mom gives me $1000 for that, cause she is like "THAT IS DICK." Go, Mama, go.
I gladly give them a pee sample and I go upstairs. Check out my room, put on some sexy gown and chill for a bit. They take me "early" (aka, on time apparently) and wheel me down. This is apparently when Jim stole my glasses for the rest of the day and I was blind for the next 9 hours.
They wheel me into surgery and I SWEAR TO GOD I was having the staff of Scrubs working on me. They're laughing and bsing and shit. I'm like "y'all are having too much fun at yer job." They were neat. So Dr. Chang goes "So you wanna go to sleep?" I said "Sure. Let's do thi...."
The next thing I know (that was at 10:30) it's 1:30 and they're making me wake up. BASTARDS.
I'm nauseous as FUCK. I'm tired, and groggy and pissie and my mouth is SO FUCKING DRY. Hollly cotton mouth. And I'm burping up plastic tastes. EWWW.
So they give me THREE KINDS of anti nausea meds. THREE. I'm still all UGGHHHh...
They wheel me back up, where I see Stephanie! My mom was there too. Making me crazy. The woman next to me had her gall bladder out AND her tubes tied. She was unhappy. But I apparently was in worse shape. AHHAHAHA.
See, what they do is for laproscopic surgery, is INFLATE you. So they can see. Makes sense. Well, when they DEFLATE you, sometimes they miss some air.
They missed some air in me.
It's like having the worst gas pains ever. I thought I was nauseous. So I tried to sleep. Couldn't. Talked to doctors etc. I have this thing I have to suck on so I don't get pneumonia. It's hot. Oh, some people liken this pain to "heart attack". AWESOME.
I vomited air. Like, put a bucket in front of me, thought I was going to hurt my life away and EXPLODED air. SO GROSS. Steph was like "WOW." hahahahaa... It was totally an 11.
Then I really threw up. I told them I hate jello. The only way jello should be consumed is in pudding form or shot form.
I had the worst nurse ever. She was pissie and just like trying to kick Steph & my mom out. She coulda kicked my mom out cause she was making me nuts, but Steph was nothing but awesome. I kept telling her I was nauseous and when we finally figured out it was gas?? She was just like "oh lay down."
BITCH I AM LAYING DOWN.
Finally, Pat the angel nurse of mercy came by. She'd washed my face before after I'd thrown up and was just in general a wonderful human being. She explained that the reason I thought I was going to HURL MY SOUL everytime I sat up was cause of the gas. She explained on how to get it out "lay FLAT so it can disburse" and all of other such nonsense.
Pat, I love you.
So I instantly started feeling better. This was also when I was told that it just goes away on its own and there are no drugs for it. So I said FUCK IT LEMME OUT. So i was home 5 hours later than I wanted to be. Whatever.
Steph took me to the pharmacy (I have so many percosets *glee*) and took me home. Steph deserves like, a medal of fucking honor or something. Srsly. *luflufluf*
I slept last night. I sleep for an hour or three then have to get up to pee. Getting up is an interesting challenge. For I am fat and cut open. AHHAHA. But I'm okay. I slept pretty well.
And apparently my pain tolerance is sick. I should have had 3 percosets at the hospital. AT LEAST and I had one. And one before I left. I'm telling you, my bellie is sore, but GODDAMN did that gas suck.
Today I had to catch up on 360 lj entries you CHATTIE BASTARDS. This is why I'm going to have to cull the flist sometime soon. That is 10 entries every hour of the day. I missed 36 hours of ljing. AAAh.
Anyrate. For you morbidly curious, these are the holes in my bellie. They're covered with little tape thingies and so it's mostly just my scary bellie. Which is distended moreso than usual. HOT. Oh, and still had iodine stains. :)( Cut for the squeamish, even though it's mostly just terror at mah bellie )
Now I think I'm going to find food. Jim, my adorable and hovering nurse, made me some chilled berry soup and it is time to git mah nom on :D