synnoveaevael: (Dark Tower - Go Then)
Has it really been a year?

The fucking concept blows my mind.

I guess it's been more than a year. Seeing as they really don't know when you died. We observe the 27th because we humans need such closure. We still don't know why. Inconclusive is inconclusive. It provides us with nothing. Again, due to what Silvia said, I am willing to believe it was lack of insulin. Even though you'd had this issue before and were hospitalized for it, you chose to believe you were invincible. I really wish you had learned your lesson. I really wish you had listened to me, or any of your friends, the hundreds of times we pounded on your thick Cuban skull to make you listen. But you always marched to the beat of your own drummer, and sometimes to your own detriment.

I will feel your loss with every future activity I do. Just so you know.

Hug Jayme for me, will you? And slap Michelle's ass. She'll appreciate it. Rub Lexie's furry lil' head for me. Loyal little sod. I miss you guys. A lot. Two-thirds of a really nutzo team is gone. It's just me now. No one else has those memories. No one else knows all the horrors that Parsippany apartment actually got to see. Probably for the best, not that I ever thought I would be president, but the pictures really prove that one.

Sometimes it hurts to breathe without you guys. Sometimes it strikes me at the most awkward and awful of times. Like, at work. Go go gadget brain, go.

*rubs face*

Juliet's doing great though. Make some sort of deal that I can keep her around for a very long time, happy and healthy, okay? I know you prolly miss her, but you'll get her for longer than I will. So, patience, panda boy.

Mazzy Star played earlier. Of course I thought of you. And then I realized the date. And my heart sank. I haven't heard that song since last year, when I played it to write out the lyrics to give you. So I'm going to take that as a message from you through my Pandora station, which was on Depeche Mode, which shouldn't have played a frickin' Mazzy Star song, so. Yeah. That's my rationale.

I don't know if I will ever not be a little angry at you. But that's the least of the emotions I feel when I think of you now. I think it makes sense though. And you know why.

But. I miss you buddy. I really miss you.

*sigh*

Feb. 18th, 2013 12:44 am
synnoveaevael: (Corpse Bride - Sad)
It was a "think about Jayme a lot" kind of day.

♥ always.

Sigh.

Dec. 19th, 2011 12:59 pm
synnoveaevael: (Corpse Bride - Sad)
Last night I had a dream about Jayme and how I bumped into her in NYC. She was like "damn you found me." She said she'd faked her death kind of accidentally, but was relieved to be let free of her stress. So now she was just happy. I was appalled, but so happy she was alive, and tried to convince her to see her son, and she said she did every day, but not George.

Such a strange dream.
synnoveaevael: (Corpse Bride - Sad)
A whole year without a joke from Jayme. Or her sending me a picture or a video.

A WHOLE YEAR.

Yet, somehow, the world as continued to turn. Ignorantly, as if it knows not the loss.


Oh god, I really miss you.

*sigh*
synnoveaevael: (Corpse Bride - Sad)
I can't help it. Just titling this entry I started to cry. I see stupid shit that makes me think of her. I see something about Anne Rice. I hear a song...

I suppose I think about her as much as anyone who's truly made a difference in my life. The difference is that most of those people are still alive, or have lived their lives to the end. I can't think of her as living her life to the end. She died the only way a mother could, making sure she saved her baby. But I can't think sometimes. That the world keeps going on without her. How?? She was full of so much life and opinion and laughter and love.

I talk to Janet and Lori and it helps. I think we all help each other. But it's so hard.

And I hear stories of stupid shit George does and I can't help but think that Jayme would be KICKING him in the face if she were alive. If she were alive he wouldn't be acting like a total d-bag. Because she would be here, keeping him in check. I feel like Derrick is never going to know so much about life because she's not here to show him her view on them.

Perhaps it's because Halloween was always one of our favorite days to talk, message each other about what we were gonna be and where we were going, and then Thanksgiving was a favorite because I used to hold the Spanksgiving parties and she loved food, and of COURSE Christmas, since her birthday is Christmas Eve (and thank you LJ for reminding me, like I would fucking forget) and she loved Christmas and COOKIES and presents.

My heart is heavy lately. I feel further from my friends, and I feel so empty sometimes. And when I think about it, my thoughts always come back to her. I can't believe we lost a year of time together because of a stupid argument, and it wasn't even a REAL argument. Just a confused misunderstanding, and we just stayed out of each other's hair.

Someone called me their twin the other day. I almost said "No, my twin died." Because she did. We were as alike as we were different. All the pictures she still gave me are still titled the way she said them. Twins, Twin lurve, Twin smiles....

Goddammit Jayme, I miss you.

My bestie.

Sep. 11th, 2010 01:01 am
synnoveaevael: (Me & Z - biting)
Day 01 – Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love
Day 03 – Your parents
Day 04 – What you ate today
Day 05 – Your definition of love
Day 06 – Your day

Day 07 – Your best friend
The Rest )

I don't have "a" best friend. I have several. Cause I'm a crazy person. Listed in no particular order.

1. Andrew.



HELLO. Boyfriend. I tell him my hopes and fears. He confides the same to me. He's a pretty good listener. I love him lots.

2. Z.



Z puts up with my shit. I don't know why. She's like a sister to me. I want to KILL her sometimes, but I can't imagine my life without her. She has taught me so much. We've known each other for about 10 years now. I think. Almost 10? I don't know. We met at a party of Alan's and she wanted to hate me. But she just couldn't. *grins* I love my Z. I drag her with me everywhere. We are travel buddies. One day, when we are less than poor, we will be again. Can you say maid of honor? When that wedding thing happens? She's gonna be my maid of honor. Trish'll still be my matron of honor. TRADITTIOOOON, TRADITION!

3. Teenoo.



Ah. Me & T. Tia and I met on LiveJournal. I noticed her million ring icon in a friending meme, and I said "Someone who wears as many if not more rings than me? I MUST BE YOUR FRIEND." and that was that. We've met in person several times. She was going to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. She prolly still will be. We've always just *clicked*. We're very different people, different backgrounds and the such. But. I adore her. One of my prized possessions is a set of dragon heads her daddy carved for me.

4. Skwrlie Wrath.



Steph and I have been friends since I was 18. So that's 13 long ass years. We've had some insane ups and downs, and I have to say I have no regrets wasting time in college cause I made some great friends through Theta Phi Alpha, the strongest of which is Steph. We have changed each other's worlds. Hell, I introduced her to her husband, was a bridesmaid in her wedding and I canNOT imagine my life without her. She's been my spine when I needed it, and spoken my sign language, and made me pull my hair out.

5. Savypants.



Who knew when these four sexy gypsy bitches rolled up into our camp a few years ago at war that I wouldn't let one of them leave me evar. Savannah is actually listed AS my sister on my Facebook. Again with the clicking. She moved out to MD for a bit, and our close relationship became even closer. She's kind of amazing. She's a bellydancer, she's a librarian, she's interested in midwivery. She's just a jack of all trades. And she has some aammaazzing tattoos. I'll keep her.

6. Billie!



That picture is old as fuck, but I didn't pick these for recentness, I just love that picture. Bill and I met through Eric. He'd just come back from Hawaii and was a very good friend of Eric's from college (fraternity brothers, big & little) and was nestling into our nerd coven. He's smart as shit, funnie as hell, and loyal to a fault, some can say ;-). How our friendship blossomed, I couldn't even say, but one day we were as thick as thieves. I realized he knew *QUITE* a bit about me, and I didn't mind having a non-boyfriend male as a best friend again. We certainly know how to kill some mead and wine. *grins*

7. Jayme.



I wasn't going to go too far back into the past, but I couldn't think about a time from when I was 20 that Jayme wasn't in it in some faction. She changed my WORLD. We referred to each other as "Twin". De was our Triplet. In this picture here, we're rocking the infamous Triplet dresses. Jayme was my sardonic salvation for a good 5 years. I can't believe she's gone. It literally hurts my heart to even remember that fact. I was angry at her for a while, but I never walked away from her. I was confused on her new look on life, and sure enough she changed her mind and realized what had happened. But the impact she had on me forever changed me. We were getting super close again after the birth of her son, and well. I have no idea what would have happened. But. *sigh* I can't think about that anymore.

There are more of you. And I'm sorry if I didn't include you. But I didn't want this to become epic. I already expanded more than I should have.

*sigh*

Jul. 12th, 2010 05:56 pm
synnoveaevael: (Lil Me)
I made it through this week. It was hard. Thursday was... Well. Awful. It was great to tell Jayme and Michelle stories though. I think that someone wanted me to go up and give some stories, but I was drawing a blank on what to say that was PG enough for the crowd... *grins*

Roger & I shared our favorite Jayme story, with Tim and the stun gun. *lol*

Although I suppose there was that time that she went to California and left ME in charge of her horse, Marie. I suppose that tells of the love and trust we had right there. Marie was her everything before George & Derrick.

Friday was... Worse. I had our ex-boyfriend brigade (Hey, for a while there, Jayme and I shared *everything*.) and having Alan & JD there was super helpful. Watching those twin coffins go into the ground was a little much for me to handle on my own, and I am happy they were there.

There was a musical interlude for them after everyone talked at the church, and George asked me to get some music together for them. Well, I had a CD of lots of things made (actually a playlist, but then the AV guy was like, "Uhmm... I need it on iPod or CD" and so I burned a CD) and they only really had time for one song. So I chose VNV Nation's "Beloved". It was a favorite of Jayme's.

It's colder than before
The seasons took all they had come for
Now winter dances here
It seems so fitting don't you think?
To dress the ground in white and grey

It's so quiet I can hear
My thoughts touching every second
That I spent waiting for you
Circumstances affords me
No second chance to tell you
How much I've missed you

My beloved do you know
When the warm wind comes again
Another year will start to pass
And please don't ask me why I'm here
Something deeper brought me
Than a need to remember

We were once young and blessed with wings
No heights could keep us from their reach
No sacred place we did not soar
Still, greater things burned within us
I don't regret the choices that I've made
I know you feel the same

My beloved do you know
How many times I stared at clouds
Thinking that I saw you there
These are feelings that do not pass so easily
I can't forget what we claimed as ours

Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits

My beloved do you know
When the warm wind comes again
Another year will start to pass
And please don't ask me why I'm here
Something deeper brought me
Than a need to remember

My beloved do you know
How many times I stared at clouds
Thinking that I saw you there
These are feelings that do not pass so easily
I can't forget what we claimed as ours

Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits

Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits

Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits


I thought "Hellraiser" would be slightly, well, less received. Even though it's the first song that pops into my head when I think of her. Cause we had a dance to that shit, yo.

I told Janete she's not allowed to die. I can't lose anymore of my life influences. She was great. She helped me through Thursday.

This whole thing sucks so bad.

I found out that Michelle was dead when they found her, laying on top of her babies to protect them. They revived her. Her organs were shutting down and she was bleeding out internally. Her babies were being suffocated by her, but it sort of saved them. The smoke inhalation they suffered wasn't as damaging because of it. Adam (her youngest) should be home soon, if he isn't already. Alyssa has some burns, 2nd degree on her ear and arm of the same side from where she was laying down when it all happened. But she's not even expected to scar. Derrick is fine. He's finally off of the ventilators. He did NOT like them one bit. So when they'd take him off of them, he'd try to go to sleep, and the docs couldn't have that. He needed to be awake and cough and stuff. But. I just got this:



George and Derrick. Little man looks good.

Apparently, a good Samaritan caught Derrick. Jayme was trying to get out of the window, and this guy who was in the Air Force (with a background of fire fighting), on leave, with his buddy who was a volunteer fire fighter, when they got the call. He ran to the the house and told Jayme to drop Derrick. And she did. He caught the baby and ran to the EMTs with him. It was then that Jayme fell and hit her head. They wouldn't let George see her body because it was in such a state that they felt it would be psychologically damaging. He had them tie some of his hair around her ring finger and has been wearing her rings.

George said her camera and her phone weren't damaged. There's video of her cooing to Derrick while he crawls around. And their wedding album wasn't touched at all. Not even heat damage. It's the little things.

It's just. Been awful.

I spent a couple hours today reading her journal, [livejournal.com profile] ladycora. Just... *sigh*

I can't believe this is real. I just wanna text her. Have her text show up with a picture of Derrick... Something.

ETA: Just as I hit post, Lori (her sister-in-law) texted me. Derrick should be able to go home with George tonight.

*sigh*

Jul. 8th, 2010 04:43 am
synnoveaevael: (Corpse Bride - Sad)
Thursday is here regardless if I sleep or not, so I might as well.

Today is going to be awful.

*sigh*

Jul. 7th, 2010 02:04 pm
synnoveaevael: (Corpse Bride - Sad)
Michelle didn't make it. She coded today and they couldn't revive her.

The sisters are together now.

This story is just so fucking sad.

Weekend.

Jul. 6th, 2010 12:39 am
synnoveaevael: (Can't Hardly Wait - No legs)
Kind of amazing in a certain sense.

Kind of awful with the loss of Jayme.

But. Life goes on, right?

The arrangements for her are on Thursday.
synnoveaevael: (Corpse Bride - Sad)
Fire in Jamesburg

JAMESBURG — A borough woman was killed and her sister seriously injured late Wednesday night in a fast-moving fire at the woman's home, according to friends and family at the scene.

Neighbors said the fire broke out after midnight on the bottom floor of the two-story home at Gatzmer and Hillside avenues.
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Jayme and George Lowenberg had lived at the house for a few years and recently had a son, friends said. Jeremy Ippolito, 25, of Englishtown, a friend of couple's who was at the house this morning and spoke with George Lowenberg, said Lowenberg was in Virginia with his in-laws last night. His wife was home with their son and her sister, Michelle, and her two children.

The whole family was planning to head down to Virginia today, the couple's neighbor, Ellen Quinlan said.

Quinlan was alerted to the fire by the sound of breaking glass. When she looked outside, she saw flames on the porch next door. The fire quickly spread along the wraparound porch and up to the second floor, Quinlan said. The porch was completely charred.

Jayme Lowenberg, 28, a public school teacher in Hillside, according to public records, was seen leaning out of the window of the home's finished attic and handed off her infant son to someone standing on the roof of an enclosed space at the back door of the house, Quinlan said.

Shortly after, as flames engulfed the house, Lowenberg either fell or jumped out of the attic window, apparently missed the roof and hit the overhang, falling to the ground, Ippolito said.

"There was smoke coming out behind her when she was leaning out the window," Quinlan said. When Lowenberg hit the ground, it was obvious she had suffered a serious head injury, Quinlan said, noting she saw an EMT holding a towel to her head. "She was covered in blood."

Jayme Lowenberg's sister and her children were taken out of the house by firefighters. Ippolito said she was seriously injured, as was one of her children.

The Lowenberg's were due to celebrate their third anniversary next week and friends said they were very much a young couple in love. Ippolito and his girlfriend, Crystal Vreeland, 25, of Englishtown, said George Lowenberg, 38, arrived at the house this morning from Virginia and solemnly walked into the backyard.

"It's devastating to lose your best friend," Lowenberg said. "She was the love of my life."


Oh Jayme.... :(

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