synnoveaevael: (Dark Tower - Go Then)
[personal profile] synnoveaevael
Has it really been a year?

The fucking concept blows my mind.

I guess it's been more than a year. Seeing as they really don't know when you died. We observe the 27th because we humans need such closure. We still don't know why. Inconclusive is inconclusive. It provides us with nothing. Again, due to what Silvia said, I am willing to believe it was lack of insulin. Even though you'd had this issue before and were hospitalized for it, you chose to believe you were invincible. I really wish you had learned your lesson. I really wish you had listened to me, or any of your friends, the hundreds of times we pounded on your thick Cuban skull to make you listen. But you always marched to the beat of your own drummer, and sometimes to your own detriment.

I will feel your loss with every future activity I do. Just so you know.

Hug Jayme for me, will you? And slap Michelle's ass. She'll appreciate it. Rub Lexie's furry lil' head for me. Loyal little sod. I miss you guys. A lot. Two-thirds of a really nutzo team is gone. It's just me now. No one else has those memories. No one else knows all the horrors that Parsippany apartment actually got to see. Probably for the best, not that I ever thought I would be president, but the pictures really prove that one.

Sometimes it hurts to breathe without you guys. Sometimes it strikes me at the most awkward and awful of times. Like, at work. Go go gadget brain, go.

*rubs face*

Juliet's doing great though. Make some sort of deal that I can keep her around for a very long time, happy and healthy, okay? I know you prolly miss her, but you'll get her for longer than I will. So, patience, panda boy.

Mazzy Star played earlier. Of course I thought of you. And then I realized the date. And my heart sank. I haven't heard that song since last year, when I played it to write out the lyrics to give you. So I'm going to take that as a message from you through my Pandora station, which was on Depeche Mode, which shouldn't have played a frickin' Mazzy Star song, so. Yeah. That's my rationale.

I don't know if I will ever not be a little angry at you. But that's the least of the emotions I feel when I think of you now. I think it makes sense though. And you know why.

But. I miss you buddy. I really miss you.
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synnoveaevael: (Default)

November 2014

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